If you read my previous blog post about How My Family Reacted To The Baby News, I touched a lot about how my 6 year old reacted the most. And in it, I also shared that we were working on some regression that came up.
Here’s part two to the story.
My daughter had asked for a pacifier. Her interest and curiosity got stronger as weeks went by and one day while we were out at the mall, she insisted that we get one for her.
She made sure though that when we bought it, we must tell the shop assistant that it’s for the new baby, not for her.
We found one and she was so happy about it.
She took it out from the packaging and put it into her mouth when we got inside the car.
She seemed so happy and satisfied that “oh so this is how sucking on a pacifier feels”.
It was cute actually.
She had on this pacifier in her mouth pretty much the rest of the day and she went to sleep with it.
The next morning, she wanted to bring it with her to school to show it to her friends. At first, my own fear/shame got in the way. Then I thought no this was her own decision so I allowed it.
When she came home, she excitedly told me, “Mama, I bravely put the pacifier in my mouth in front of my friends!”
I asked what they said.
“They called me a baby”, she said proudly.
Then I asked how she felt about what they said.
“I didn’t mind it” with a smile, “because you also call me a baby”.
I thought, well that was something. To be honest, it did get me a little worried.
She was on that pacifier for two whole days and couldn’t help but wonder how long more she’d be on it.
I didn’t want to shame her. I knew that her behaviour was telling us something.
I brought this to my listening partner and from there, it was clear to me that she was looking for affirmation that she is still a “baby” – in a way where unconditional love is given to.
I soon realised that this was her way of dealing with the idea that a baby is coming.
Oh my heart.
Then I told my discovery to my husband and we discussed that the best way to move forward is to use play.
In the morning, when she woke up, we called her Boss Baby since that is her current favorite movie.
We said things like, “The Boss Baby is awake and we must get her ready for school!” and “Oh please don’t forget to bring your important pacifier Boss Baby!”
She was amused and giggled a lot when we played this game with her.
What ensued after school was super duper interesting. She completely ignored her pacifier and soon just forgotten about it!
Just like that! In a matter of days, we got to the root cause and helped her overcome whatever feelings of fear and insecurities around the arrival of the new baby.
I simply love how children know just what they need to do to work on their underlying big feelings.
I feel so grateful for being at this place to be able to trust my daughters own natural instinct to work on their emotions.
Four years of being on this Aware Parenting journey, I’m still learning and applying the tools.
I’m still no expert and I do have my own parenting challenges (believe me) but what I know is it has deepened the connection with myself and my children.
I hope that in my sharing, it gives you some inspiration in your difficult days in parenting.