How To Night Wean: Hunger or Comfort?

I want you to know that it’s normal to feel frustrated about the situation that you’ve decided it’s time to set limits around feeding, but at the same time, you feel sad, unsure, and nervous about night weaning.

I’ve been in the same situation as you. I nursed my second baby to sleep up until she was almost 1.5 years old. We used to bed share and she would easily fall back to sleep when I offered her my breasts.

But after the first year, I began to feel resentful and touched out. Her waking's became more frequent and her sleep was not peaceful as she kept waking up crying for no reason.

My own sleep was disrupted and the accumulation of broken sleep got me so exhausted by then. I knew I had to change the way she went to bed but I was not willing to let her cry it out all on her own.

So the question of whether it’s hunger or comfort? I think it’s both!

Feeding to sleep is not just for nutrition but it’s also a huge source of comfort for our little ones - even though they’re way past the appropriate age of night feeding.

It’s a complex situation that needs careful consideration especially if you want to gently night wean with kindness.

Before I move on, I want to be clear who this post is for:

• Your baby is 6 months old and older with no feeding or health issues

• You consider yourself to be a responsive or gentle parent and believe in feeding as a way to attend to your baby’s wants and needs

• And yet, you know that it’s time for you to set limits around feeding to sleep because you know that you don’t always have to respond to your child with a feed anymore

• You’re touched out by nursing all night

• You know your child is getting enough calories in the day and night feeding with a bottle for 1 year old up should be phased out

• You just want uninterrupted sleep!

DISCLAIMER: I do have to be upfront with you though that night weaning doesn’t necessarily mean your baby will start sleeping through the night quickly.

Every baby is different. I really can’t stress this enough.

If your baby is more sensitive in nature or highly persistent, it might mean that they will signal to you more in the night when they wake up briefly in between sleep cycles.

Does it mean that your little one won’t ever learn to self-soothe and sleep through the night? Absolutely not!

It just means your baby cannot be rushed in this process and needs more time than babies who are more easygoing and find self-soothing easy for them to do.

How many feedings does your baby actually need?

Before you start the process of night weaning, you should check with your pediatrician or doctor about how much milk or solids your baby needs.

Make sure reducing your baby's night feedings is appropriate for your child's growth and development.

Now that we got that established, let’s look at practical ways of how to actually night wean.

If you’re like me, who likes to look at charts at what’s ‘normal’ but also use intuition and your own judgement based on what you know about your child, then you’ll probably find this helpful.

Please do something that’s reasonable for your baby’s age and unique needs.

Age of baby / Number of feedings

0-3 months / Feeds are “on demand”. Feed whenever baby is hungry.

3-4 months / First 4-5 hours without a feeding, then 2-3 feedings.

4-6 months / First 5-8 hours without feeding, then 1-2 feedings

6-9 months / First 7-9 hours without feeding, then 0-1 feedings

9+ months / Usually parents' choice, 1 early morning feeding may be helpful for extended breastfeeding.

Chart source: Baby Sleep Science

With my baby no 2, she went fully ‘breastfeed on demand’ until the day I decided to night wean her. She was almost 18 months old so the “night feedings” was purely comfort for her but at the same time, she did grow accustomed to being fed in the night.

With my baby no 3, she went on feeding at night until she was 2 years old plus, but on the bottle.

I let it go on that long because I was solo parenting for 3 years at that time and relying on the bottle to maximise our sleep was the easiest thing to do.

The reason I share this is to show you that even I don’t follow the chart. But it was helpful for me to know what my child was capable of when I was ready to night wean.

Reducing Feeds

If we look at how we sleep, deep sleep often happens in the earlier or first half of the night, so it’s much easier for our little ones to go back to sleep when they’re awakened.

It’s only natural if we focus on reducing and eventually dropping the first feeding of the night.

Let’s start by taking data on how much milk your child drinks or how long he or she nurses on the breasts.

Once you have enough data, now you can start reducing the feeds as such:

Let’s say your baby feeds at 11pm, 2am and 5am. Work on weaning the 11pm feed first.

If you’re breastfeeding, reduce the number of minutes you are nursing. Let’s say you’re nursing for 8 minutes. Reduce by 30 seconds or up to 2 minutes each night throughout 5-7 nights (or at the pace you feel is appropriate for your child).

By the time the nursing time is less than 5 minutes, stop offering completely and use other ways and means to comfort your child back to sleep such as rocking, back rubbing, hand holding, or patting.

If you’re bottle feeding, reduce the number of ounces or ml you offer in a bottle. You may use 15ml or ½ oz every night over 5-7 nights. By the time the amount reaches 60ml or 2 oz, it’s time to stop offering the bottle and use other ways to help them back to sleep.

After you’re done eliminating the first feeding of the night, you can use the same method for the second night feeding.

You may see that when the night feeding has dropped to only one, the 5am feeding will move up earlier to 4am. If you plan to keep this one feeding, let your child drink as much as he or she wants.

If you’re planning to eliminate all night feedings, especially the last one, then be prepared for some protest as it will be harder to resettle them at the early hours of 4-6am when sleep pressure is lightest compared to 11pm when sleep is deep.

Further helpful tips

• Replace calories in the daytime, and make up for the decreased feeding at night by boosting it during the day. Offering an extra amount in the feed first in the morning is usually what most parents find most effective.

• If you suspect that your child might be hungry at bedtime and been relying on a bottle to tank them up, either push back dinner a little closer to bedtime or offer a snack like yogurt, avocado, or peanut butter sandwich.

• If you’re planning to cut down the feed to sleep at the beginning of sleep, consider a temporary later bedtime. It’s much easier for a child to accept a big change when they’re really tired. Think about pushing it to 30-60 minutes later than usual. They might be too tired to be sad/mad about the loss of bottle or nursing.

• Once your child seems to be more accepting of the change, you can gradually move up bedtime earlier in small increments again. Don’t worry about getting them overtired to the point of dysregulation and less quality of sleep. That would most likely happen if there’s been an accumulated sleep debt. That’s why this is only temporary.

• Use a gentle soothing phrase when your child asks for milk, “Not now sweetie, you can have it in the morning.”

• Validate and be empathetic to their feelings. “I know it’s hard sweetie, I’m right here.”

• Give extra outdoor time in the day to tire them out. It’ll be easier if they’re physically tired.

• Be prepared to allow a lot of strong emotions to be expressed. You don’t need to stop them from crying. Give them the acknowledgement that it’s hard and provide lots of emotional support with what feels natural to you - cuddling, back rubs, stroking, rocking, holding, kisses, etc.

• Instinctively, if you know that your child’s personality needs a very clear, black-and-white strategy of “no more milk”, then do that from the beginning to avoid mixed messages and a confused child.

How long does it take to wean at night?

Most parents wonder how long it would take for them to see results. In my experience, it would take about 3-5 nights of your child protesting for not getting a feed. The first 2 nights are often the hardest, but it will subsequently get better.

I should be honest with you. After some improvement around night 4-5, you may see a bit of a setback. This is normal. Don’t lose hope. Keep sticking to the plan.

It is a process that takes time, and it can also be a bit of a roller coaster ride for the first while. Your child may have a good night, then a not so good night, then a few good nights, and so on. This is very normal, and with time it will become more and more consistent.

Final words

Your goal is to maximize sleep for everyone, and if what you’re doing works, then you’ve met your goal. If it’s not working (or stops working) then you can always do things differently.

You are the expert on your child, and only you know whether night weaning is something your little one can handle right now.

The same goes for you. If for some reason you’ll find it hard to stay consistent or be mentally prepared at the moment, then it’s probably a good reason to start when you and your child are fully ready.

I wish you all the best with night weaning in a way that feels right, kind, and responsive for your child.