Your Toddler Does Not Need Sleep Training, Do This Instead To Make Bedtime Easy

Parents who are struggling with their toddler’s bedtime are often unaware that there’s an appropriate solution for this age group. Most of them think that it’s too late to solve bedtime issues because sleep training is for babies.

There is also a group of parents who believe that seeking help from a professional or a sleep coach will result in a rigid sleep plan with no room for flexibility, and that this approach involves locking their toddler in a room and letting them cry until they fall asleep.

If that’s you, then keep reading.

Yes, there is a solution for toddlers and even pre-schoolers who delay bedtime, wake up in the middle of the night, wander into your bed, and still wake up to feed at night.

At the same time, while there is structure, the solution is flexible; it can be personalised to fit your toddler’s temperament and your family’s sleeping arrangement.

Other things you should know about my approach to toddler sleep:

• I don’t believe in external motivation, such as bribes and reward systems like sticker charts and bedtime routine charts.

• I don’t recommend leaving your child in distress to learn to sleep independently.

• I want your toddler to go to sleep because it’s an internal motivation for long-term health, and it’s the right thing for their growth and development.

• I never force things on the child beyond what they can cope with.

With an approach and strategy that focus on connection and building internal motivation, my clients’ toddlers are transformed by the time we complete working together on their sleep plan, with many achieving significant improvements within three weeks.

And it’s not through sleep training.

One of the most important strategies in my LARAS method, which I teach my clients to help their toddlers sleep better, is setting boundaries.

But, setting boundaries doesn’t always feel great, I know.

The biggest misconception about boundaries is that parents set a boundary and expect their child to agree with it.

The truth is, not only will our toddler not agree, they protest - big time!

This is when parents are stumped, unsure, and questioning if they’re doing it right.

What does a boundary look like when it comes to bedtime?

Bedtime boundaries for toddlers involve clear, consistent limits communicated with love and respect, guiding the child towards safe and healthy sleep habits.

These boundaries are not about control, but about helping the child understand what is expected and when.

Your toddler does not have to agree with your boundary. They likely won’t!

And that’s totally okay. Your toddler has every right to be mad and upset about your boundary. Just because they’re upset, that doesn’t mean you gave the ‘wrong’ boundary.

It means after dinner, they will take a bath, and then have milk. Then they use the potty or brush their teeth. Then some silly time followed by bedtime stories, a sip of water, and getting into bed, with lights out.

Once the light is turned off, all their request for more water, another trip to the potty, or one more story will not be accommodated.

Why is boundary important?

Boundaries provide a sense of security, predictability, and structure, which helps toddlers feel safe and fosters healthy sleep habits. Without boundaries, toddlers may experience anxiety and struggle with self-regulation.

It’s part of their healthy development to push boundaries. So, if they are not enforced, it can cause confusion and a lot of tears.

Boundaries are not meant to keep your child happy. Besides, being happy all the time is not the goal.

It’s also important to prevent bedtime battles. With clear expectations, it can reduce stress and promote a more positive bedtime experience.

How do you enforce a boundary?

Here's a sample script you can use. Feel free to modify it to suit your child and the situation.

The lights will be switched off in 5 minutes. You will get into your bed. When the lights are out, you will put your head on the pillow and go to sleep. You might ask for another toilet trip or another sip of water and I will say, “You’ve gone to use the toilet earlier so you will go again later if you wake up and need to use the toilet, but right now, put your head down and go to sleep.” or “You are in charge of you water bottle that’s on your bedside table. You can have a sip and place it back when you’re done.” “You might get upset that I won’t bring you to the toilet. I understand. You are still going to put your head down and go to sleep.”

When enforcing or holding a boundary,

• Use simple language. There’s no need to over-explain by saying “because I say so” “because you’re a big boy/big girl”.

• Use a social story or role play with soft toys to tell your toddler what’s going to happen and how it’s going to happen.

• Be prepared for some protests. Depending on the situation and your toddler’s personality, it will be a whole lot of protest or not much.

• Protest doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, you should give in, negotiate, start to feel guilty etc.

• Remind yourself that you are the parent, you’re in charge, and you have the foresight and knowledge to know what’s best for your child.

Toddlerhood is an exciting yet frustrating time for both the child and the parents. Toddlers seek independence and autonomy as they explore their world.

This is done by testing boundaries. They want to know the limits of acceptable behaviour.

They test limits to see what happens, what they can get away with, and what the consequences are.

This is a healthy sign that your toddler is growing well!

If you do the same predictable, reassuring things every time they cry or delay bedtime, they will stop testing the limits and fall asleep quickly in bed sooner.

Why? Because they know what to expect from you, and it starts to become old. They don’t feel so motivated to get upset when the same reassuring (yet rather boring) thing happens.

Your next step:

1. Set a consistent, calming and connecting bedtime routine.

2. Pick one behaviour you'd like to put a stop to.

3. Communicate to your toddler what changes are about to happen.

4. Commit to a specific date when you will enforce this boundary.

5. Once you have committed, please follow through every day. Going back and forth on your boundary will only further confuse your toddler.

If you want more guidance and tools on setting boundaries to improve your toddler’s sleep, how to implement them consistently, feel confident to manage the tantrums and protests, and encourage cooperation at bedtime, all while maintaining connection and respect for your child using my LARAS method, get in touch with me to book a discovery call.